last time on the Super-Duper-Hero saga:
superhero? pfft - i'd much rather be a villain. as i secretly cherish the role of being the guy that people love to hate. so what does eveyone hate? everyone hates mimes! my special powers would include the ability to pantomime the good citizens of [insert ficticious urban name here] and their protectorate guardian 'heros' into feeble submission all whilst obtaining the necessary resources to create my dastardly genius super weapon - 'The Silent Treatment'. the TST takes away the spoken word from innocent and unsuspecting victims, forcing them to 'charade' in order to communicate which incites chaos and riots everyhwere. it's pure evil muhaha.
(Ben)
whatever will the good citizens of [insert ficticious urban name here] do?! the delicate balance between good and evil has been tipped. fear not! for there is showtune girl and her trusty side kick, opera boy. together they fight the helter-skelter of mime man with glam-style chorus' and shrill arias and a whole riverdance troup to back them up. mime man has no choice but to retreat to a sound proof room with an ensemble of munchkins, singin something about deer, in his wake. o the horror! must re-group, re-think. what will mime man do next? ah ha! the TST! but unbeknownst to him, showtune girl has already sabataged his evil genius mechanism with her very own super-duper-evil-genius-mechanism-counter-measure, her very own TST - 'The Singing Telegram' [overlay dramatic eerie sound effect]. we won't be hearing from mime man any time soon - so to speak. order has been restored, the mayor of [aforementioned ficticious urban name] gives showtune girl the key to the city and a basket of canned lychee in thanx. she curtsied to a standing ovation and then a fat lady sang.
(tunabelly)
Showtune Girl, put up your dukes! I'm not a villain, I'm just misunderstood. It's TV Guy and his reign of terror will begin - after these short messages! Raised by neglectful parents, I was left in front of the television night and day, until I became to love the boob tube, the telly, the wonder box. I was teased at school for watching Days Of Our Lives, Melrose Place, and *gasp* Coronation Street. Now, to exact my revenge on all those reality TV haters, I have turned into TV GUY! As TV Guy, I will broadcast hour upon hours of addictive television programming. I will have the entire city of [insert ficticious urban name here] in such a brainwashed state that the only thing they will be able to think about is what's next on their TV schedules! People will skip class and stay home from work just to WATCH TV!!! Yes, it's true! Muuwaaahhhahha! But that's not all! TV Guy will also infiltrate any vehicle that has audio/visual capabilities, and even stream LIVE TELEVISION through the Internet so that all the people who do manage to go to work are doomed to watch TV from their cubicles!! They won't be able to STOP! Soap operas, reality television, comedies, dramas, and in order to deprive people of sleep, TV Guy pulls out his ultimate weapon: THE INFOMERCIAL!! Try and get me now, Showtune Girl! I've got the PBS special "History of Broadway - narrated by Julie Andrews" all cued up, just for you!
(alan)
it doesn't look good for showtune girl. who will come to her rescue? r there no heros left in [insert ficticious urban name here]?
Rising from the chaos left in TV Guy's wake, with the fury of a thousand unread books comes... Culture Shock! Dressed in flowing black cape (crushed velvet of course), leather boots, silken white shirt (bought on sale at Macy's), buccaneer hat (with feather - is there any other kind?) and a mask to conceal his true identity (duh!), Culture Shock fights the misinformed and ignorant with a slight French accent to bring sophistication to the unfortunate masses. Armed only with a finely polished epee (with jeweled hilt - you get the idea) and his unfailing sense of style, he confronts the nefarious, unsavory, and rather unlearned TV Guy.While his attention is focused on rambling in a monologue about his plans for future world domination, Culture Shock installs his secret weapon - an upgraded version of the V-Chip - on TV Guy's own TV! The Culture-Chip or C-Chip only allows responsible, educational and moral programming to be viewed, effectively reducing the possible selections to 3 channels including CPAC, Canada's Political Channel even though it's programming borders on immoral. With his own TV viewing effectively cut off, TV Guy is powerless, being unable to broadcast mind-numbing idiocy to the citizens of F.U.N. (fictitious urban name) City! Well, then again there is still CPAC... Culture Shock locks the stunned TV Guy away with only some of the finest reading material to console him - Dickens, Shakespeare, Hemmingway and Douglas Adams.And what's to become of Showtune Girl? Well, show tunes were never really in style to begin with, and don't particularly add much sophistication to FUN City in Culture Shocks opinion, so she might as well just stay locked up with TV Guy.Protecting the wise, opinionated and well dressed citizens of FUN City, Culture Shock's work is never done. But for today at least, the city is a less garish place to live...
(adrian)
is this the end of showtune girl and tv guy? could it really be?
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5 comments:
What kind of a dolt do you clowns take me for? Mime Man returns and, man!, mimes hate clowns!
Silly Showtune Girl! I see your TST is as great as mine - or is it? [a moment of silence in lieu of dramatic music overlay]
For you see, The Silent Treatment was merely a decoy. I foresaw your Tacky Singing Telegram device AND TV Guy's evil streaming video plan. Your TST has triggered my TST to emit a frequency out to all the remotes controls in FUN City and now every button is a Mute Button! [Mime Man villainously rubs his hands together and silenlty laughs]
Oh yes TV GUY, the nation was indeed swept with the uncontrollable urge to channel surf but every time they pushed a button another brainwashed drone of FUN City went mute! And your Infomercial is of little use. Now they're merely people gesturing emphatically around products.
Without sound it's all just mime! [pan left to hoard of munchkins miming in unison then close up on the fat lady silently miming her aria]
And as for you - Culture Crap! Without your silly french accent you're just another pansy prancing around in tights.
Mime! Mime for me my pretties! [insert dramatic silence here]
phushaw!
Never fear Showtune Girl! SPFX Man is here to save the day.
With a flourish of lights, smoke and sound effects SPFX Man catches up with Mime Man.
Now see here Mime Man. Look at my hand. Yes, the thumb and forefinger. See what I'm doing here? Yes, yes. I'm squishing your head. I'm sqeeeeeeshing yer itty-bitty head. Sqeeesh!
Mime Man recoils. His mouth stretches wide open mouthing the word NOOOOOOOOO!
Now see here. Here, the nothingness between my hands. This here is a box. You are now in a box. You are trapped in an invisible box. Mime your way out of that one!
No mime has ever escaped the invisible box!
Meanwhile, Culture Shock has pranced his way into what he thought was a museum, but in actuality, was just a facade put up by SPFX Man's construction crew and decorated by his props guy.
And TV Guy, I've got just the show for you! SPFX Man simulates an emergency test into the room Showtune Girl and TV Guy has been trapped in. He projects a perfect screen of colored bars with the 'eeeeeeee' sound effect to go with it.
This is a test. This is only a test. It's on every channel! Take that TV Guy.
With Mime Man still trapped in the box and Culture Shock frolicking around the empty studio space the voices return to the citizen's of FUN City. The munchkins rejoice and the Fat Lady sings again. Hearing her much beloved munchkins, Showtune girl runs to the window to see who was coming to her rescue.
SPFX Man has saved the day.
SPFX Man flies the Miss Siagon helicopter, he bought at the set dec sale last week, to Showtune Girl and rescues her from the dreaded CPAC.
Showtune Girl throws her arms around SPFX Man profusely thanking him.
You're welcome little lady. Now gimme some sugar baby and don't forget to shop smart, shop S-Mart!
SPFX Man smiles a perfect smile and his shirt busts open because, hey, he's a superhero and superheroes have perfect teeth and their muscles ripple from time to time.
Nice try SPFX Guy. Showtune Girl only has eyes for Opera Boy who has been off studyging with the Jedi's. Opera Boy will soon return with mad Jedi skills to save Showtune Girl and change his name. Really now - Opera Boy?!?! It couldn't have been Music Guy or Concert Man or Rockstar!?
SPFX Man’s cheap parlor tricks cannot hold Culture Shock! The simplistic interior design and blatant forgeries hanging upon the walls immediately tell their own story. Freed from this ruse, Culture Shock can turn his attention elsewhere.
These are dark days for the culture of FUN City. Not only has television turned to the vulgar, but film, once a bastion of taste and intellectual communication, has exchanged story telling for the philistine, producing an opiate in the form of special effects and violence. Though it may appear SPFX Man holds all the cards, he has one great weakness to be exploited. But first, Culture Shock must parley an accord with the Devil.
Culture Shock may have his differences with Mime Man (who can help but hate mimes?), but he can appreciate art in any form, and the price of refinement, class and sophistication is tolerance – even of those cultural elements that one may not understand. Appart, Mime Man and Culture Shock may have their weaknesses, but together they can be a force to be reckoned with! What say you Mime Man? Can these two artists set aside their differences temporarily to rid themselves of a common foe?
With a roll of the eyes and a flourish, Culture Shock makes the gesture of opening a door for the trapped Mime Man…
Free at last, Mime Man sizes up the pompous little man before him.
[eyebrows raised, Mime Man cups his chin between thumb and forefinger]
The most unlikely of allies yet mildly entertaining in the way that confused monkeys are good for a chuckle every now and then. Nevermind you! Differences can be put aside for SPFX Man must pay!
[Mime Man nods to Culture Cr...shock]
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