the following was found on craigslist...endless hours of amusement!
a gentleman like no other seeks your skillful caresses - m4w - 117
Reply to: pers-221082246@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-15, 5:17PM PDT
Greetings creatures of the fairer sex,
If you're looking for an experienced, worldly man of unsual distinction you have met your match. I am eager to pleasure you with all my various appendages. Like all great men, I am diminutive in stature, a solid 4 foot 2. I weigh an imposing 800 pounds, so I am spherical, like a well-loved, well-used medicine ball, with which you'll procure delightful amusement.
Though lacking traditional employment, I am a cunning and resourceful rogue, and am responsible for "diverting" vast quanties of manure from farms, plasma from blood banks, and urine from downtown drinking establishments with which I try to satisfy my unquenchable thirst for scat, golden showers (though I prefer full baths) and sweet crimson nectar.
I love to feel the skin of my swollen, veiny member flaking away inside the flower of your womanhood, your ears, or, preferably the tight rosebud of your posterior. Doctor Condom's wretched invention is the bane of modern life! Never fear for the safety of my health, as I already have contracted the great pox, crab lice and a mysterious tropical parasite, so you can be assured of the lengths to which I've gone to gain my expertise.
Like me, you should understand the delights above are best experienced after the swooning bliss of an intravenous injection prodding one's scarred flesh with the distilled essence of poppy or perhaps a rare vintage of rubber cement providing its aromatic adhesion in one's veins.
Along with my sensuous tentacles, a tongue as soft and supple as damp corkboard, I have a monstrous gleaming love dagger hidden beneath my codpiece. At its least flaccid it measures an imposing two cubic centimetres and is capable of launching a tankard full of black, steaming hot, gelatinous gritty jism across a large dining hall.
I give you my word your body will be left stinging and soaked and the room filled with the musty exotic perfume of rancid butter. I have left all my many women, whether conscious or not, gasping in awe at the record speed with which my climaxes erupt.
My wife has grown old and decrepit so I am looking only for the young and the nubile, for women of slender build, and of the most rare and refined beauty. You may also bring a young slave boy anointed with oils for our pleasure and possible sustenance after our exertions. Please provide visual aids with which I can assess your aesthetic suitability with my one milky grey yellow eye.
You must be comfortable with providing carnal companionship to the gentle beasts of this earth and enjoy the lustful embrace of my menagerie of sheep, baboons, komodo dragons, and of course the impressive cock shown below.
I must stop writing now for the anticipation of your sweet warm breath upon the pustules on my neck, and your delicate fingers dancing beneath the folds of my pink perspiring flesh may soon overtake me with excitement. Already the phlegmatic wheeze gurgling in my chest makes me fear I shall, foaming at my toothless mouth, lapse into another seizures.
Of all the wonderment already described, my most admirable trait, of course, is my unimpeachably forthright honesty.
Until you write to arrange our fiery minute of passionate ardor, I will breathlessly await your response.
Your Humble Servant, - Me
this is in or around a damp box under a bridge
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