RITUAL HAZING/WELCOME TO THE OFFICE

520 alan workin' hard, the rest of standing around chattin'

530 alan working, the rest of standing around chattin'

540 alan still working, the rest of still chattin'

me: i love how for the last 40 minutes of the day we just sit around watchin' the new guy work. it's just some ritual hazing!

a round of giggles

me: i'm so sorry i had to stick u with {her} for the whole afternoon - that was your real hazing.

INAPPROPRIATE

adrian takin' off his belt while passing gill

gill's eyes bug out of her head

me gigglin' in the corner

adrian looks from me to gill and back to me

gill catches the giggles

adrian: what???!

gill: ur takin' off ur belt!

adrian: yea - so?

gill (gigglin' even harder): and i just see this thing whippin' out at me

me (rollin' round round with giggles): oh! please stop!

OFFICE CHEERLEADERS SAY RA RA RA!

gill: this game is fun

me: yes, payroll is fun

gill: payroll is fun! fun! fun!

david: that's the spirit gill

gill: payroll is fun! fun! fun! /we must get this show/...um...errr

david: done! done! done!

FROM JEOPARDY! TO TURNIPS

while watching Jeopardy! and playing along...

Jeopardy! categories:
Star Trek, Star Wars or Lord of the Rings

me: oh ur so goin' down!

Action Figures

me: uh huh

Dinner for One

joel: u might actually be right

In Need of a Date

joel: oh yea - all u

You have no life

me: ah ha! prepare for defeat!

joel: hey i didn't just fall of a turnip truck, ya know

me (giggles): if i load yer truck up with turnips, will u?

TUNING IN AT THE WRONG TIME

adrian: wow david, u'r really obsessed with the big cock now!

COMPLIMENT OR THREAT?

some freaky dick-wad posted this message to one of pictures on my flickr account. what a freak! is he threatening to stalk me or is he honest to god complimenting me? 10 bucks sez he's king of singledom! the following is a straight cut and paste - no embellishments necessary...

if you were my girl. i'd have you chained to the tolet.ohh not to worry. i feed you.theres a crack under the door. just enough space to throw some m&ms under there.your cute!


somethin' tells me we're not in kansas anymore toto!

READ WITH SARCASM...

erik: she's hot

me: she's so hot!

erik: like unusually hot

me: it's just not fair - how's the rest of us to compete with such hotness

erik: ya just can't, she's too hot

me: woe! it's not fair

erik: she should model

me: she absolutely should

erik: she could model for Fishing & Lumber Canada

me: LOL!

erik: or for Shotguns & Rifles

SALSA MADNESS PT. II

so in the continuting search for more time-killing footage i come across some clips from the outdoors robson square events. completely random guy filming himself and the lady in the black and white stripes.

quick! find jerry & kathleen in the shot.

quick! find me and simon in the shot! i think simon was steeling the shot! u like the part where he does the cross-body-lead on his knees so we're the same height? and i'm probably the one girl he feels safe kicking his leg over in the middle of a song.

raquel's ass also makes a guest appearance if you look carefully.

SALSA MADNESS PT. I

so it's friday and i'm tryin to kill time at work. i'm randomly searching bachata videos online and actually find a video of our very own ms. gill!

we rent her out for special occasions. enjoy!

ADDED VALUE IN TRANSLATION

david: why do these crackers have a scarecrow on 'em?

me: i dunno. it's just their logo.

david: these chinese products use weird logos. what does a scarecrow have to do with anything?

me: nothing. it's just a logo. that one's not even that bad. there's another brand with a rooster on it. we always called it Rooster brand but recently they started putting english on their products. now it's the Big Cock brand. i almost died in the store the first time i saw "Big Cock Sauce"

CRUMBS IN AWKWARD PLACES

the setting:

office.
adrian is nattering and facing me while i'm eating crackers.
crumbs are dropping into my shirt.
adrian smirks and covers his eyes.

me (turning away and shaking out my shirt): oops. excuse me.

adrian (shaking out his pant leg): no worries, i have the same problem.

DEAD ENDS

anon: how bad is it that i'm more excited about this bread than i am about dating {insert guy's name}

me: well, to his credit, the bread is deep fried.

ARTICLE

precious quotes and how to use them

adrian: hey, the highway is backed up and MY underwear fits!

THE RUMOUR MILL

Superman Returns 2

Jude Law to play villian and maybe - all fingers crossed - production will take place in Vancity!

ARTICLE

8 things i learned from 80's cartoons

MY NEW FAVORITE T-SHIRT STORE

ikodidit.com

me: so i've been thinking...

andy: that's a perpetual state with u, isn't it?

me: the attempting to, yes. the actual act, not so much.

SLIPS

me: he's kinda poetic

andy: like he speaks in iambic pentagrams? ...ahh... i mean...

me: i...

andy: i know. i know. stop prancing so gleefully to the website u little imp.

me: that's the 2nd time in a week someones called me an imp

andy: must be true then

me: as true as the iambic pentagrams i suppose.

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY BOTHERSOM

dan: i've been moving all week

me: why didn't u tell me? i coulda helped

dan: oh u know me, i don't like to bother individuals

me: right - u only bother the masses

dan: yea - i bother no one or everyone

WE BE WORKIN HARD

there's a rule in our office. u do somethin' dumb - u wear the stupid hat. now, we're all pretty dumb around here so u've got to be outstandingly dumb to earn the right to wear the stupid hat.


observe as our very own ms. Gill models our ever so stylish stupid hat while wearing a post-it on her forehead to remind herself of an important task at hand...



aww... stop pouting ms. Gill. we won't make you wear the stupid hat any more...


...but since ms. Gill has failed to complete the task, so important that she had to write it on a post-it and post it to her forehead, she continues to wear it while working hard as ever like we always do around here...

FAIR'S FAIR

me: he's really snobby about who he dances with

jerry: how so?

me: like if he weren't dating me he probably wouldn't dance with me

jerry: i don't think so

me: i guess it's fair tho since if i weren't dating him i probably wouldn't talk to him

jerry: oh yeah - i can see this is going somewhere.

U R WHAT U EAT?

me: it would not be funny if we were being limited to 100 megs

adrian: i poop bigger than a hundred megs

me: u poop in megs?

adrian: sometimes ... depends on what i've been eating.

FROM ROMERO TO NICHOLSON TO...

Heath Ledger cast as the Joker and Christian Bale returns as Batman in the new movie Dark Knight set to shoot next year.

c/o Sneak Peak